But I Don't Like Spam!

An obnoxious email message hawking porn keeps showing up in my mailbox. The subject is always a different gibberish and the body is done with Java or something so the text in it not really text (not an image either). I've set up a dozen filters but it keeps sneaking through.

And it made me wonder: is there a payoff for un-blockable spam? Can you annoy others into clicking your link, buying your product? Are there people out there who after deleting a 100 of these, look at the 101st and go "hm, maybe this is what I wanted all my life?" It must work or the senders wouldn't bother. Right?

spam |spam|

noun

1 ( Spam) trademark a canned meat product made mainly from ham.

2 irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the Internet to a large number of recipients.

verb [ trans. ]

send the same message indiscriminately to (large numbers of recipients) on the Internet.

DERIVATIVES

spammer noun

ORIGIN 1930s: apparently from sp(iced h)am.

Too often author promo reminds me of spam. You accept someone's friend request and suddenly his/her latest release takes over your newsfeed. I don't want to sound like an asshole—being excited about a new cover, new book, a certain review is normal. I'll like it, share it, etc.  Possibly. However, when it's post after post and day after day, I get grumpy and find a way to remove the author from my newsfeed for good.

Sadly, I understand the desperation behind these tactics. Promo is the bane of every author's existence. No matter if you're a newbie or well established, you have a nagging feeling there are readers out there who'd just love your book, if only they knew about it.

Being an author is a lot like fishing: you throw your book out there and hope someone will bite. The author's role is reactive. Or at least it used to be.  On Goodreads you can take a more active role—you go the right group and friend everyone there. I don't know how others feel about this, but when it's done to me it rubs me the wrong way. I bristle at the idea of becoming someone's fan fodder.

Deep down I suspect going aggressively after reader must have a payoff somewhere. You cast a wide net, you catch fish. It still feels wrong to me.  With a new book coming out in a couple of months I sure wish I knew the secret of perfect promo, the golden road between spam and tofu. Alas, I don't.

Antisocial Media

Facebook is a strange place. It's supposed to be a venue to keep in touch with people you know in some capacity, and it probably works that way for personal accounts. However, when you open one under your pen name, you're Alice jumping down the rabbit hole.

At first you happily accept all friend requests because you assume they're from people who at least heard of your books, possibly even read and liked them. So you're nonplussed when semi-nude self-portraits of young women start showing up in your feed. You look at the persons' timeline and find feeds with hashtags like nakeygurl, sexygurl, notop, etc. Now you're not against boobs, have a pair of your own and are quite fond of them too, but you have strong suspicion that these young ladies don't read your books. You begin to wonder where they found you and why they sent that friend request in the first place.

However, those cases are the outliers and even provide some comic relief. Most of your "friends" will be other authors spamming promo and asking you to like their pages. You don't mind clicking that button if it's someone you actually know and had meaningful exchange with before, but complete strangers? Who don't even write in your genre? You start to wonder whattafrak is going on.

The problem is that authors are constantly told they MUST be active on social media. It works for some—people who are charming and outgoing, and the lovable dorks with penchant for expired food. Unfortunately, a lot of us are socially awkward introverts. That makes the whole social media thing difficult, but it's no reason treat Facebook and Twitter as your personal billboard.

Experts will probably tell that you need to promote yourself aggressively. I'm no expert but I know people don't like to be screamed in the face. If all you do is post self-promo, you'll find yourself ignored faster than you can say spam. On Facebook people can remove you from their newsfeed without you knowing it, so you won't even realize you're shouting in an empty room.

So here's my suggestion: try to be social. Post tidbits of your personal interests, let it be knitting, gardening, or NASCAR racing. Interact with others. Respond to their posts, assuming you have something to say. Promo sparingly. Just be careful: social media is also a great way to make an ass of yourself in public.

Oh, and young ladies looking for sugar daddies: m/m authors rarely look for boobery and even if they did, they're too poor to be any use to you.